When I was in middle school, glasses were "in" as an accessory, so when I told my mom I thought I needed glasses, she dismissed it as a tricky way to get trendy. Her suspicions were probably well-founded. I mean, what girl doesn't want a stylish new accessory? However, while messing around and trying on my friend Autumn's glasses, I discovered the mystery of how students in the back row could see what I couldn't from the second row. I was nearsighted. After getting my first pair of glasses, I experienced the same revelatory drive home as everyone else does: Oh my gosh! Leaves! I can read billboards! Quick...point to something and ask me what it is! This is a miracle!!
I wore glasses through high school, when I finally got to enjoy the magic of contact lenses. Of course, the "magic" didn't really happen until I could eventually put them in in less than 20 minutes and without the liberal use of curse words.
I've been grateful for my glasses and contacts over the last two decades. Yes, there have been inconveniences: forgotten lens cases or contact solution on vacation, swimming while worrying about losing a contact, actually losing a contact at Disneyland, having to put contacts in tired eyes to go for an early morning run, trying to find time to see the optometrist....well, okay there are quite a few inconveniences. But not too many when the alternative is basically blindness.
Because I've been wearing glasses and contacts for the majority of my life, nearsightedness has become part of my identity: I'm Kate. I wear glasses.
Well, after toying with the idea for some time, I decided to get LASIK. I was pretty nervous, to say the least, having thoughts like, "Well, at least I went to Disneyland this week. One more time to see it before..." and "How am I going to finally organize this office if I'm blind?!" Despite my fears, I managed NOT to cancel the appointment and had the procedure done yesterday. Everything went fine, and my check-up this morning got the all clear.
Alex has wondered aloud why I don't seem more excited and happy about it. I think it's because it doesn't feel like me. Over the last five years, I've gotten married, changed my last name, had two boys, stopped working, closed my personal bank accounts, and become a Republican. And on top of all that, I now have 20/20 vision.
Who is this person?
I miss reading and analyzing texts. I miss writing. I miss being able to jump out of the car and run inside the store. I miss earning my own money. I miss my silly idealism. And now I kind of miss my nearsightedness.
That said...
I wouldn't trade my boys for a car empty of Goldfish crumbs. Or my married life with sweet Alex for a single one filled with selfish freedom but also the ever-present "Will I ever meet him?" question. Or my stay-at-home mom status for a paycheck and stressful teenagers.
So, maybe....in a few weeks....this girl that can see will feel like me, just like "Honey" and "Mommy" eventually did too.
7 comments:
You are still a writer -and a really good one! I love reading your posts.
I've been wanting to do lasik too, but still a bit freaked out by the idea. Glad to know you survived it! :)
Congrats on the Lasik, but seriously, a Republican? If only that could be corrected by surgery ;) .
oh, so many thoughts ... but i've so often felt just like you - with the loss of the "me" since becoming married, a mom, this other person people only know as "cole's (or the other two :)) mom" and it's a weird thing to have to adjust to. i don't know that i'm completely adjusted, either, but like you i wouldn't trade it for anything. i love this new part of me ... and i have to admit, you are much braver than i. my husband is STILL trying to talk me into the non-nearsighted jami, but i refuse. afraid i'm going to come out worse than i am. :) so, here's to the new 20/20 kate!
ps-i'm with mer - you are STILL an incredible writer. i'm just glad your writing has taken on blog posts so i can read it as often as i like! :)
Write more. Write more! I wanted to keep reading. Where's the next chapter? You have such a way with words Kate. I think every married woman/mom could relate to your post...probably the ones with glasses could relate more, but it totally got me analyzing my life and who I am. I really have a lot on my mind and need to write on my own blog soon. You've inspired me. Goodbye facebook. Hello New Karen blog. (don't think it'll be as well put together as an English teacher, but I'll do my best)
Mer...thanks :).
Jenny...the procedure is NOT cool..scary and heebie-jeebie inspiring actually. but I THINK it might be worth it...ask again after the recovery has ended.
Emily...it's California. A move could correct it easily. And I still haven't made it "official."
Jami...always nice to know one's thoughts aren't crazy ones. it's sometimes hard to explain to people (the losing "me" bit) without sounding selfish. Alex has been pushing LASIK for awhile. Still in shock I didn't cancel it. And thanks for the compliment...means a lot from you and Meridee. And makes me think, I really should sign up for that writing class I've been dreaming about for 3 years...
Karen...can't wait to read your blog. :) The next chapter will be about how DVDs can magically create "me-time" for mommies.
kate...you are so good. I love your thoughts. the blog title is also really good for this post. you could make some money off of this post! =) you are also encouraging me to look into lasik... =)
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