Day 9: On Fridays, Beckett and I have a "Mommy and Me" class together while Hamilton is in preschool. I'm grateful for the chance to focus on little Beckett. Without the class, I'd be taking advantage of my "one kid" status to do errands or clean or something equally forgettable and unimportant compared to being just Beckett's mommy. He forgoes crafting in favor of playing with toys. Fine by me, but Miss Joan might not love it :). It's also pretty cool to have a kid actually participate in "snack time." Cutie Becks is usually late to singing time because he's still eating. :) Love this sweetie.
Day 10: I'm grateful for my calling in our ward. Today was our annual "Craft Day." I am generally stressed and overwhelmed...and this year have pronounced to many that it is my last "Craft Day" to be in charge of. That said, being in the Relief Society presidency has allowed me to get to know more amazing sisters in our ward and become more quick to think of others than myself.
Day 11: What other church has (essentially) free two-hour daycare? And that particular daycare teaches your kids songs and the first lessons of the Gospel? And then you are thus allowed to hear your own lessons, get your own reminders about how you should be living your life? Sundays are stressful in many ways (his calling and choir keep Alex at church from 9:15-5:00), but I wouldn't trade them in for just a run-of-the-mill weekend day.
Day 12: A woman in the ward who was diagnosed with terminal cancer 2-3 years ago passed away today. Far too young, only in her sixties. I had already begun getting to know her better through various church activities, but this diagnosis made me feel even more a connection with her and her family. Empathy. I'm grateful she got to live so fully and actively post-diagnosis. A true example. I'm grateful that she and I could speak candidly about test results and "living by the numbers." I'm grateful that she got to see a daughter get married and see grandbabies born. What makes this world mortal and hard is difficult to be grateful for. "Unfair" doesn't even quite cover it. But I guess I'm grateful that somehow my faith in the Gospel prevents me from being too angry too often. And I know that when I am feeling more negative, it usually means I am drifting farther from the spirit than I should, which actually brings me to Day 13....
Day 13: I'm grateful for temple recommend interviews. These interviews only happen every two years now, but I appreciate the opportunity to answer direct questions about my testimony and obedience. As I drove to the stake center this night, I was feeling the exact opposite of spiritual. I think the combination of a friend passing away and being pregnant made me start getting a little angry about this whole mortality business. I don't often feel this way, but I'm occasionally overwhelmed by how unfair it is not to have a mom here. I'm not one for close female friendships, so there's no one to call when I'm happy or frustrated...no one to really love my babies like I know my mom would. My dad only partly belongs to his own kids nowadays, so there's that loss as well. And because Alex never met my mom, I feel like he doesn't recognize or understand the loss. How could he? That empty spot has always been there...how can I fully explain how BIG that emptiness is? How much I..and my whole little family...is missing without her here? I realize this is very selfish thinking, and I should be more grateful that my mom was so totally amazing and that I got her as long as I did.
After I parked the car, I sat there for a moment...telling myself not to start crying and not to be so angry. I also began wondering if I could really answer all the questions in the affirmative.
However, once I was inside and hearing the questions, I, of course, had no answers to give other than the ones that would renew my temple recommend. Because even though so much of this life is hard and I have questions and problems...I do have faith in this Gospel and in the Church. I left the building with so much of my anger dissipated and feeling so much lighter.
Day 14: Right now I'm working on putting together a book filled with photos and memories of Alan. I'm thinking mostly of my boys (and Alan's other nieces and nephews) as I do this, wanting them to have something concrete to turn to when they're wondering about who Uncle Alan is. I'm grateful that as I'm compiling it, I am learning more about who he is. It's a mixed blessing, as I am, of course, also reminded what we're missing and how young he was.
***The next days will be more positive...I promise!***
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Gratitude
Last year I did a gratitude journal for November. I felt like I got a lot out of it. And here we are November 8th! I guess I'm grateful for being busy?? Let's play catch-up...
Day 1: I am grateful for family Disneyland days. We had breakfast with the characters and then spent the whole day together, riding rides, enjoying parades, and just being together. Hamilton was especially grateful to go on big kid rides with his daddy. I, consequently, appreciated time with just Beckett and that the day was so pleasant. Summer heat has been interminable around here, which makes this preggo lady pretty grumpy.
We're so spoiled to have these Disney passes we can use often.
Day 2: I am grateful for kids that do GREAT on long car drives. We drove down to San Diego for a pre-baby family getaway and The Color Run. The drive should take less than two hours, but between bathroom/food stops and TCR packet pick-up, we were in the car a long time. Beckett slept for a portion, and Hamilton was happy to read books and enjoy some imaginative play. We only busted out electronic devices when Alex and I were sorting and stuffing 23 TCR bags (leaving the boys stuck in the car).
Day 3: I am grateful for The Color Run's success. My brother had an idea in the midst of a really trying time, and it's pretty incredible to see that idea flourish. His story could be a movie, seriously. There is still some heart-sickening drama associated with it, but overall it is confirmation of my brother's creativity, race director experience, and quickly growing business acumen. I'm so proud of him...and so glad it looks like he will physically and mentally survive this gruelling first year.
Day 4: I am grateful for my new nephews. We got to attend the blessing of Parker today. He seems as sweet as his brother (lucky Karen!). We also added Gavin to the family after some unexpected complications. And then there's Baby Hank whom I got to meet for the first time this last week. He is chubby, adorable, and sweet...exactly the baby Heidi and Travis needed!
Day 5: I am grateful for the chance to be a "preschool helper." It's a chance for me to see Hamilton outside our normal day-to-day routine. It's like I see him with new eyes...watching his concentration as he practices his cutting or how he plays with the other kids. He is so, so great, and I am lucky to have him. It's somehow easier to forget this at home...I guess because I get caught up in getting housework and other projects done, rather than just soaking up being a mom.
Day 6: I am grateful for the friends I have in our ward. They are smart, generous, funny, and kind. I got to enjoy their company at Jasmine's baby shower this night. I guess I should also say I'm grateful to be able to vote! :)
Day 7: I am grateful for Alex's board game nights. It's important for me to be "just Kate" sometimes, so I know Alex must feel the same. He definitely deserves a break from father, husband, and attorney!
Day 8: I am grateful for the truthfulness of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4...
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of amercies, and the God of all bcomfort;
Day 1: I am grateful for family Disneyland days. We had breakfast with the characters and then spent the whole day together, riding rides, enjoying parades, and just being together. Hamilton was especially grateful to go on big kid rides with his daddy. I, consequently, appreciated time with just Beckett and that the day was so pleasant. Summer heat has been interminable around here, which makes this preggo lady pretty grumpy.
We're so spoiled to have these Disney passes we can use often.
Day 2: I am grateful for kids that do GREAT on long car drives. We drove down to San Diego for a pre-baby family getaway and The Color Run. The drive should take less than two hours, but between bathroom/food stops and TCR packet pick-up, we were in the car a long time. Beckett slept for a portion, and Hamilton was happy to read books and enjoy some imaginative play. We only busted out electronic devices when Alex and I were sorting and stuffing 23 TCR bags (leaving the boys stuck in the car).
Day 3: I am grateful for The Color Run's success. My brother had an idea in the midst of a really trying time, and it's pretty incredible to see that idea flourish. His story could be a movie, seriously. There is still some heart-sickening drama associated with it, but overall it is confirmation of my brother's creativity, race director experience, and quickly growing business acumen. I'm so proud of him...and so glad it looks like he will physically and mentally survive this gruelling first year.
Day 4: I am grateful for my new nephews. We got to attend the blessing of Parker today. He seems as sweet as his brother (lucky Karen!). We also added Gavin to the family after some unexpected complications. And then there's Baby Hank whom I got to meet for the first time this last week. He is chubby, adorable, and sweet...exactly the baby Heidi and Travis needed!
Day 5: I am grateful for the chance to be a "preschool helper." It's a chance for me to see Hamilton outside our normal day-to-day routine. It's like I see him with new eyes...watching his concentration as he practices his cutting or how he plays with the other kids. He is so, so great, and I am lucky to have him. It's somehow easier to forget this at home...I guess because I get caught up in getting housework and other projects done, rather than just soaking up being a mom.
Day 6: I am grateful for the friends I have in our ward. They are smart, generous, funny, and kind. I got to enjoy their company at Jasmine's baby shower this night. I guess I should also say I'm grateful to be able to vote! :)
Day 7: I am grateful for Alex's board game nights. It's important for me to be "just Kate" sometimes, so I know Alex must feel the same. He definitely deserves a break from father, husband, and attorney!
Day 8: I am grateful for the truthfulness of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4...
3 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of amercies, and the God of all bcomfort;
4 Who comforteth us in all our atribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the bcomfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
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